אב לשלושה כתב מכתב עוצמתי לעצמו הצעיר וחסר הילדים במטרה להזכיר לכל הבעלים בעולם שהנשים שלהם גיבורות-על אמיתיות!

אחרי שתקראו - תבינו למה הפוסט שלו שרף את הרשץ



נישואים זה יכול להיות קשה. מה זה יכול להיות? זה פשוט קשה. ולהפוך להורים, רק מוסיף לכל הלחץ הזה. הורים מביטים לעיתים קרובות לאחור ואומרים לעצמם “למה לא עשיתי את הדברים אחרת?”

פה נכנס לתמונה טד גונדר, אב גאה לשלושה, שהחליט לתת עצות לאבות טריים וכתב מכתב מחמם לב לעצמו הצעיר – בתקופה שלא היו לו ילדים.

הפוסט שלו הוא תזכורת לכל הבעלים, שהם צריכים לנסות לעשות כמיטב יכולתם כדי להיות בני זוג טובים יותר וכי עליהם לזכור עד כמה נשותיהן צריכות את תמיכתן. הפוסט של טד הפך לויראלי וכבר קיבל 71,000 לייקים ו-58,000 שיתופים.

הכירו את טד ואת משפחתו

“אני עכשיו בן 29 ויש לי ולאשתי, פרנצ’סקה 3 ילדים שהיא נשאה אותם בבטנה וילדה אותם כמו מקצוענית. הנה מה שהייתי אומר לאני העצמי בן ה-24, לפני הילדים, לגבי איך להיות בן זוג תומך בשלב שבו הופכים להורים.

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It was impossible not to smile when we arrived at the beach today after a collective 18 hours of driving over the weekend. Düsseldorf🚌Lacanau . Over the next couple of weeks we are on the beach in France, adventuring as a family. Definitely going to be posting about the workouts and excursions we are on while here. . A few quick reflections to rattle off: 1. Driving 18 hours with a four year old, 1 year old, and newborn in the back might sound insane. But with enough games/snacks, an early enough start to the drive, and an attitude of adventure (experience/abundance) rather than vacation (escapism/scarcity), it was actually pretty fun. . 2. Breaking up the long drive with “workout stops” is key for us staying happy. Today we stopped at 6am for burpees and calisthenics (yes especially the four and one year old – they loved it!), stopped again every 2 hours for little micro workouts. Gets the blood flowing and helps the driver (usually me!) from getting drowsy behind the wheel on 5 hours of sleep. . 3. Posted this a while back but healthy snacks are key. Our car is loaded with protein bars, nuts, fruit, avocados, rice crackers, and sugar free candies. Could we be even healthier? I’m sure, yes. But the point is that we are staying fueled up and not having to buy unhealthy snacks at gas stations (expensive and yucky. . 4. Caffeine. Sorry for the caffeine haters but this one is hard for me to get around as driver. On 5 or 6 hours sleep driving my fam through the night, I want to be on high alert for deer and other animals crossing country roads, and other drivers that may not be driving carefully. So there was a decent amount of coffee, sugar free Red Bull, and Diet Coke consumption. These aren’t daily drinks (well a cup or two of the coffee is) but today I said to my heart “hey bro – take a small sacrifice for me today…I’ll make it up to you in other ways later “… . 5. Gratitude mindset! For many, vacationing with three kids sounds stressful. And it is! But gratitude puts the stress in perspective. Makes it easier to stay calm and flow. I’m grateful I can work from anywhere and savor quality time w my fam before starting full time work again soon. .

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1. עזור לה להתאושש

היא נשאה את התינוק בבטנה במשך 9 חודשים. אז אחרי הלידה, תורך לשאת את התינוק על הבטן למשך 9 חודשים, בכל הזדמנות שתקבל. זה לא רק עוזר לה להתאושש, זה גם מחזק את הקשר בינך לבין התינוק.

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My wife @franzilovesmonday is such a badass. 39 weeks pregnant 🤰 and still getting in her 10,000 steps per day, crushing yoga and kettlebell flows, working practically full time for two clients, and being an awesome mom. – She does it all because she loves it all, and she is 100% shamelessly herself. – Which also means she isn’t afraid to say when she is having a hard day, or that it is all too much and she needs help. – Her willingness to be herself and ask for help has invited me to rise up as a more supportive partner and engaged dad than I could have imagined myself becoming when we decided to build our family. I was still 24 and she was 27, we didn’t have any friends our age with kids, and didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into. We just had a vision for our family and knew we were going to be on this life journey together. So we leapt into it. But I was scared to the bone that I’d be an inadequate family man. – Her belief in me is a huge part of the reason I’ve proven that fear wrong for myself. – And that’s how we meet each other every single day. With realness about our human flaws and struggles, overflowing unrelenting love, the daily decision to recommit, and the easy choice to believe in each other even more than we did the previous day.

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2. תחליף חיתולים

אשתי מניקה – ועם כמה שזה ממלא אותה – זה מתיש. אז אתה תחליף כל חיתול שאתה יכול. מחיתול מספר 1 ואילך. אתה תתגבר על הגועל במהירות. חשוב להימנע מחוסר איזון וטינה במערכת היחסים. למעשה, כשכל החברות של אשתך יתלוננו על כמה בעליהם נעדרים ולא תומכים, אשתך תתגאה בך במקום.

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My wife @franzilovesmondays with a brilliant dose of perspective, truth, and gratitude. ⠀⠀ “Lets talk #paternityleave – I have never felt so emotionally safe and protected than during this postpartum journey. Why? Because @tedgonder had the chance to take a 4-week paternity leave from his #remote leadership position while kids were on summer break and new life moved into our house. Here is what this meant for us and got me thinking about: – he was able to take the boys on adventurous afternoons and get their energy out while I recovered and rested with little Atlas – we were able to sync as a family and feel connected from day one (and yes…that is important for dads too!!) – we share the love, the new emotional labor of caring for another child, and the commitment to making this family adventure a meaningful one (not exhausting one) for all of us – because I was living with and surrounded by my sister, our best friend and the kids' god father and my husband plus my mum I never had the feeling that I have to toughen up and just do it on my own. Where are all the communities and mama supporters these days? How have we as mums gotten to the point where motherhood is a race to the top rather than a shared vision of raising a village of strong, fun, fulfilled, and connected kids? – have we ever thought about the correlation of postpartum #depression and loneliness? Becoming a mom…no matter whether its for the first, second, or fifth time is a hormonal and physical sensation that should be a) appreciated and b) enjoyed… With my husband at home I feel like I was 100% able to do so. – last but not least: those boys are also my husband's kids. He loves them. He wants to be around them. He wants to make them feel like that we are a strong-rooted family… So why would he not benefit emotionally from this break of everyday work-AND family life and just be a #dad for a moment? ⠀⠀ As an entrepreneurial family, I am shouting this out to all other fellow entrepreneurs thinking about the #mentalhealth of their employees. Be at the forefront of making life possible for your teams- that is how potential and productivity get unleashed” #mytinytribe #baby #mom #digitalnomad

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3. הראה את ההערכה שלך באמצעות מחוות פשוטות

תכין לה קפה בכל בוקר. גם אם היא שוכחת לשתות ברוב הבקרים מכיוון שהיא נרדמת בזמן שאתה עובד או (בהמשך) לוקח את הילדים לבית הספר. היא הייתה ערה כל הלילה והאכילה את התינוק, אז עזור לה להתחיל את היום שלה בצורה שתעזור לה להתאפס.

4. תזכיר לה שהיא גיבורת על

תגיד לה שהיא יפה ועזור לה לראות את זה במיוחד ברגעים שבהם היא חשה הכי לא בטוחה לגבי הגוף שלה. הזכר לה את התקופות בהן השיגה יעדים. הזכר לה שהיא גיבורת-על. היא אשכרה הזיזה את כל האיברים הפנימיים שלה וצברה 20 ק”ג בכדי להעניק לך ילד שיהיה מתנה לשארית חייך. עזור לה לראות את שהגוף שלה יפה איך שהוא ושתישאר ממוקדת בכיוון חיובי, יום אחר יום.

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Thank you, my love, for our beautiful children. Thank you for your family and relationship vision and belief in what we could build together, especially during times when I lacked proactive vision. Thank you for reminding me to take myself less seriously (especially in the mornings before coffee). Thank you for your courage to be radically yourself regardless of what others–including me–have thought. Thank you for owning your fears and asking for help when you need it. Thank you for taking care of your head and heart so that you have lasting emotional energy in the tank. Thank you for taking care of your body so you can participate as an equal partner with me physically, even through multiple pregnancies. Thank you for voicing your feelings before they are opinions, and the trust it takes for you to know I will hear you out before judging your feelings. Thank you for the patience to help me appreciate your invested household emotional labor–and then share the load. Thank you for always raising the bar for yourself, for us, for me–you make complacency impossible. And thank you for setting this example for our boys, of a strong, self-respecting, boundary-setting, ultrareal, baggage-shedding, norm-challenging, professionally ambitious, and fun-loving woman. It's such a joy to grow this garden with you. #family #love #relationshipgoals

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5. תמיד תהיה שם בשבילה

החום וההורמונים מטורפים, גם לפני הלידה וגם אחרי הלידה. היא לא תיראה כמו עצמה כל יום ולפעמים היא תגיד דברים שלא הייתה אומרת. זכור שתפקידך להיות הסלע שלה דרך כל זה. תקשיב לה ותשמור על פרספקטיבה כאשר הלשון שלה חדה מדי. המצב הנורמלי יחזור בקרוב ואתה רוצה להיות אסיר תודה על כך שהיית רגוע כשהיא לא יכלה, שלא התמרמרת והתאכזבת”.

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Happy International Women's Day to my better half.

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פרנצ’יסקה הגיבה לפוסט של בעלה ושיתפה גם מעט עצות לזוגיות:

“וויכוח לא חייב לפגוע במערכת היחסים, כל עוד תוכלו ללמוד ולצמוח ממנו. כמובן, דברים עשויים לצאת מכלל שליטה לפעמים, אבל הדבר הטוב ביותר ששניכם יכולים לעשות זה ללמוד לקח מהניסיון הזה ולפעול טוב יותר בפעם הבאה. אני מאמינה כי על בני זוג להשקיע זה בזה ללא תנאי וברציפות. אהבה היא לא נושא, זו פעולה מתמשכת”.

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My “what I’d tell my childless 24 year old self about how to be a supportive pre/postnatal partner” post now has millions of likes/shares, and thousands of open-hearted strangers have messaged with reactions/questions.🙏 .⠀ They're primarily from new parents on the same few themes, so here are the biggest, along with advice that I'd give to my childless 24yo self: .⠀ 1. Gratitude from women saying the post helped them initiate a crucial conversation about gender roles with their partner, without making him feel attacked.😇 .⠀ Don't leave it to your wife to initiate this conversation; open the space to explore what role each of you wants to play as you become parents. Relieve the topic's tension so it doesn't explode on you later.👌🏻 .⠀ Push each other to think about a “family vision”, considering both of your desires equally, then work backward from that shared vision to plan how you'll manifest that reality together.🙌🏻 .⠀ 2. Shock at the idea that I had kids in my 20s – lots of people called it crazy and even “dumb.”🤨⠀ .⠀ Don’t listen to people who say you’re ruining your life by having kids young.🖕🏻 .⠀ What matters more than age:⠀ .⠀ You and your partners' shared belief that you can grow stronger together through challenges.👫 .⠀ Your conviction that you want to bring life into this world and give more love than you’ve ever given before.👶🏼 .⠀ Your courage to ask family, friends, colleagues, and strangers for support.🧞‍♂️ .⠀ Your willingness to check your ego and adapt into who the world needs you to be. ✨ .⠀ With these you’ll always find a way to pay for rent and diapers, get another degree, find your next step.🐺 .⠀ And btw, being a young parent is awesome!✊ .⠀ 3. Many women shared that their lives were ruined by weak and selfish men, yet I also saw so many women tag their partners to say "thank you for being my rock!" I often hear people talk about "the lack of good men out there" but seeing so many dads being publicly acknowledged by their appreciative partners made me feel more optimistic about the state and future of masculine culture.🧐 .⠀ Advice: Be the kind of man that improves the reputation of men.😎 ⠀⠀ Continued below! Tag a friend 🤙🏻👇🏻

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אז מה אתם אומרים על העצות של טד? שתפו אותנו בתגובות!

מקור: Bright Side
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